Fable

For years the students at Trinity Western had known there was a problem, but it was a surprise to the Dean when he found out. He sat in his study, starring out the window. He had been Dean at Trinity for years, and he was very proud of everything he had accomplished. So he had been thoroughly surprised when he had uncovered this problem, and he had been mulling over it for the last half and hour. “CLARENCE!” he barked sharply. The small doorman jumped to attention. “There is a problem.” Clarence nodded as somberly as he could, trying to look sympathetic and interested but not impertinent. The Dean was a very exacting man, and Clarence knew better than to upset him because of the wrong facial expression when he was mulling over a newfound problem. “Now, as you know, I cannot tolerate problems at my University. It simply is not right. So I need someone to help me solve this problem.” Clarence stared at the corner of the Dean’s impeccable desk, nodding at every other word. “The problem is this. Professor Wertin has been, taking bribes.” The Dean shuddered as Clarence gasped in the appropriate shock. The Dean nodded. “I know, it’s true. The report came in this morning. And what do you think we should do about this? We cannot dismiss him publicly. The school would be disgraced!” Clarence shook his head to indicate the hopelessness of the situation. The Dean squinted intellectually at the corner of the room. “There is only one solution. We must find a student. The worst student in the history of studentdom. We will promise this student a college degree, no, a degree with honors! if he will make Professor Wertin resign. Maybe we should offer him a scholarship as well.” He looked Clarence in the eye. “Well? What are you waiting for? FIND ME THAT STUDENT!” Clarence nodded vigorously as he scampered out of the room.
The next day Clarence handed the Dean a file. “Jhonny Buluks.” The Dean flipped through the excessively thick file and smiled. “Sounds perfect.”

Jhonny smiled to himself as he slouched down the sweeping staircase outside of the Dean’s office, drawing horrified glances from the proper schoolgirls that he passed. He hadn’t been very surprised when he had received a summons from the Dean. Even though the senile old fool never seemed to remember him, he had been called there on numerous occasions for one antic or another. But this visit had been different. Instead of the usual admonishment about upholding the standards of the prestigious institution of which he was a part, the Dean had conspiratorially revealed to him the fact that Professor Wertin had been taking bribes in exchange for giving out good grades. While that had not surprised him, after all, that was how he had passed Wertin’s Intro to Philosophy class; he had been shocked when the Dean had offered him everything that he had been trying so hard to avoid in exchange for convincing the Professor to quit. He had agreed instantly, after all, it would be a feather in his cap to be able to be solely responsible for professor’s resignation, and an eternal badge of honor to be bribed by the Dean of students for doing so.
That next quarter Jhonny arrived for the first day of Wertin’s “Ethics and Virtues” course. He talked through the teacher’s introduction and asked loud questions over and over again, shocking his classmates by addressing him as “Wertin” instead of the honorary “Professor.” In the next week he ate crunchy food in class, walked in late, threw paper airplanes and spit gum under the Professor’s feet. He read newspapers and magazines and talked on his phone, occasionally even asking for Wertin’s opinion on matters he was discussing with his friends. He did all of his homework, but he did it so badly he knew that it would physically pain Wertin to read it. He misspelled words and mixed up sentences, he answered the wrong questions and wrote pages on short answer problems. Jhonny also went to visit Wertin outside of class. He would follow him to his next classes, sometimes walking into those classes to ask personal questions of the Professor. He found him at lunch and would talk at him while chewing gum or would spit while he talked, even occasionally helping himself to Wertin’s food. He called Wertin in the middle of the night to ask for help on homework problems or to ask his opinion about current sporting events. But as the weeks passed and the bags under Professor Wertin’s eyes grew larger, Jhonny started to think. He had never attended every class before, and he had certainly never turned in homework before. He was finding that he was interested in the things he was reading. Then one night while he was reading “A Treatise on the Benefits of Honesty” he was convicted. He stared at the page and felt everything that he had ever believed about school fade away. He suddenly wanted to do well. He wanted to succeed in his classes. He wanted to graduate with honors. But more than anything else, he wanted to do it honestly! He fell asleep that night content, knowing what he had to do.
Lexi Perpercon had been editor of the school paper for three years now, and she had never seen anyone waiting outside the school newspaper office before. But there was definitely a boy sitting on the hard couch shoved under the frosted window this morning, waiting for her to open the doors. As soon as she did he jumped up. “Are you a reporter?” He asked eagerly. She eyed him skeptically. “No, I am the editor. But I can write a story if you have a scoop you want to share.” She ushered him into her office. “Now, if you would like to tell me what you know?” she said as she closed the door.
The next morning the headline of the Trinity Press blared “Dean of Students Bribes Student to Remove Professor.” After three whirlwind weeks both the Dean and Professor Wertin had been replaced. The Board of Governors had been horrified at the lack of honest dealings of both the teacher and the Dean, and had taken the appropriate measures to purge the school of such dishonest people. Meanwhile, Jhonny had embraced his new moral standards. In several years he did manage to graduate with honors, and he went on to teach his own classes, forever reminding his students of the valuable lessons he had learned so many years ago.