Character Description

Stop it!
The words resounded inside Kat’s head and she shivered. What is wrong with me? She wondered. She wanted to walk away, to leave the entire situation behind. She barely knew this boy next to her, and she wasn’t sure she liked the way his hand had wandered around her waist. I should just tell him I need to go home. She thought. He will understand. But something held her back. She wanted to tell him to let her go, to pick up her book and walk out the door, but at the same time she didn’t want to move. Part of her was enjoying the feeling of being wanted and the way his hand was resting on her slender waist. She wiggled slightly, and he tightened his grip around her waist. Her heart pounded faster. This was not what she had been expecting at all.
It had seemed so innocent last week, as they had talked in between classes in the crowded halls of Adams High School. He was a couple of years older than she was, so she was surprised when he had sat next to her in the back of chemistry class. Later he had found her at lunch, picking her out of the midst of her twittering friends. Her heart had fluttered every time he had glanced at her, and she had liked the feeling. She was a bit unsettled by him though, after all, no one had ever looked at her like that before. She was intrigued by the sound of his voice and at the way his fingers seemed to keep accidentally brushing hers. She thought that the way he made her heart jump must mean that she liked him, so she had been excited when he asked her to come over and study for their chemistry test tonight. So here she was, her chemistry book discarded in the corner and his arm around her.
Slowly he pulled her towards him, one arm tight around her waist, the other resting gently on her stomach. She leaned into his shoulder, because that is what girls are supposed to do. One part of her told her that this is what she wanted, that no one else felt the hesitation that made her want to slow down.
Don’t be silly, she whispered to herself. Why are you so uncomfortable? This is what I want. This is what every girl wants, isn’t it? Everybody wants to have a boy like you, and the way you let a boy like you is to let the boy touch you. After all, it feels good to be held like this, doesn’t it?
Kat forbade herself from ruining the moment and ordered herself to enjoy the flutters in her stomach. After all, this is what everything is about. Hasn’t she watched all the movies and seen the TV shows and commercials? This is what every girl wants, a voice whispered in her mind. It is! Give in, relax, turn off your worry and let the moment sweep you away. Enjoy yourself, give in; don’t worry about the wandering hand or the soft breath against your neck.
Give in. Enjoy it.
No, no! This isn’t what I want!
The hand around her waist tightened a bit more and her neck tingled slightly as his lips barely brushed her skin.
Don’t cry, don’t cry.
Give in, give in.
No, no, stop touching me, please stop.
The words warred in her throat. “Stop, let go,” almost reached her mouth, they were on the tip of her tongue, but then the uncertainties pushed them back into her chest, where they beat futilely against her ribs, begging to be freed from the cage of his arms. His hand wandered further, slipping gently over her back, pulling her closer to him. Once again she fought the urge to scream. This is normal, she tried to convince her panicking heart. This is what everyone wants, what everyone talks about. It’s harmless, harmless! No! It’s not right! Not now, not here, not like this! But the words still stuck in her throat. His mouth moved next to her ear and whispered to her, telling her how special she was to him, and her heart melted. But then his hand slipped under her clothes and the panic set in again. His words fueled her worries even more. Did he really mean what he said? Or was he just saying that so she would let him touch her, so she wouldn’t object to his wandering hand? That thought horrified her, and she turned to him, wanting him to stop, wanting an assurance that he wasn’t just using her. She opened her mouth to tell him to stop; but before the words could leap from her lips he kissed her. Her words were swallowed, and her determination crumbled. She stopped protesting to the hand lingering on her thigh and running over her back. Her fluttering stomach was forgotten as he pressed her close to him, enveloping her in his strong embrace.
Later that night Kat locked herself inside her room and cried. She didn’t know why she cried, but she couldn’t hold back the tears of confusion, of hurt and of shame. She unconsciously lamented what had been lost; lamented the fact that she hadn’t been strong enough to say “Stop!” She sat curled in a corner and wondered why she felt contaminated. She felt used, but she didn’t understand why. She liked him, didn’t she? She had enjoyed herself, hadn’t she? Why didn’t she feel happy and special, like all the girls on TV and in the magazines strewn across her floor said she should? So she sat through the night, staring at the wall through her bloodshot eyes as the questions ran through her brain.
The next day in school she smiled at her friends and at him, hiding her confusion as she nodded in time with her beating heart as he invited her over again later that night. She smiled and said she would be there. After all, how could she say no?